Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
