When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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