Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just googled if crying burns calories
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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