he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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