My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
