I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
