You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
