Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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