her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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