id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
