Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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