oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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