Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
