I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
