sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pole danced in your parka.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
