mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
