Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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