When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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