she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
