Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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