Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
