shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
