how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
