Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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