he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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