I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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