Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
