Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
