sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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