My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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