I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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