My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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