put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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