John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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