youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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