So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
