They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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