...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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