Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
