Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
