i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.