Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.