i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Terrible idea I love it