I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
