some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
