New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
