i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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