so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
