Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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