I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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