He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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