shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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