i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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