Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
