then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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