i may or may not be watching the land before time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
