so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
