You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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