Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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