Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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