are you still at the devil's house?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
