I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize