Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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