yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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