She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
