We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
