take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
