Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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