At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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