from now on my penis is your penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
40s are totally the cure
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
